The history of emotional intelligence
An IQ test is a psychological measure of a
person’s “intelligence quotient” (IQ). For decades, researchers have studied
the reasons why a high IQ does not necessarily guarantee success in the
classroom or the boardroom.
By the 1980s, psychologists and
biologists, among others, were focusing on the important role other skill sets,
which are needed to process emotional information and which are played in
promoting worldly success, leadership, ownership, personal fulfillment, healthy
and happy relationships.
In 1990, psychologists John Mayer and
Peter Salovey of Yale theorized that a unitary intelligence underlay those
other skill sets. They coined the term, Emotional Intelligence, to
describe a person's ability to understand his/her own emotions. The emotions of
others and act appropriately based on these emotions. Thus the skill emotional
intelligence, which they broke down into four “branches” as:
1. Identifying emotions on a nonverbal
level.
2. Using emotions to guide cognitive
thinking.
3. Understanding the information
emotions convey and the actions emotions generate.
4. Regulating one’s own emotions, for
personal benefit and for the common good.
Later in 1995, Daniel Goleman a
journalist, Harvard University professor popularized the term in his book,
"Emotional Intelligence: Why it matters more than IQ?" He believes
that people with high IQ might not necessarily be successful and a theory that
true intelligence is a combination of both IQ and EQ.
"Daniel Goleman, 1998: Emotional
Intelligence refers to the capacity of recognizing our own feelings and those
of others for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions well in us and in
our relationships."
Importance of Emotional Intelligence:
Emotional Intelligence allows us to think
more creatively and use our emotions to solve problems. Daniel Goleman believes
EQ to be an important set of psychological abilities that relates to life's
success. It is empathy and communication skills as well as social and
leadership skills those together acts for the success in life and personal
relationships. Rather than IQ, Goleman proposes for high E-IQ, if we want to
have a high value in the society.
Daniel Goleman argues that man
particularly need to develop emotional skills and he gives a huge number of
examples where people were not successful due to lack of EQ. EQ helps us to
have a profound relation with fellow workers, family, friends etc. Those who
use EQ are more successful as they persist in the face of setback and channel
their emotional energies towards achieving the goals.
The Five Domains of EQ: Goleman's Theory
As a science reporter for the New York
Times, Goleman was exposed to Mayer’s and Salovey’s work and took the concept
of emotional intelligence a step further. Goleman broadened Mayer’s and Salovey’s
four-branch system to incorporate five essential elements of emotional
intelligence or EQ:
1. Emotional self-awareness —
knowing what one is feeling at any given time and understanding the impact
those moods have on others.
2. Self-regulation — controlling
or redirecting one’s emotions; anticipating consequences before acting on
impulse.
3. Motivation — utilizing
emotional factors to achieve goals, enjoys the learning process and perseveres
in the face of obstacles.
4. Empathy — sensing the emotions
of others.
5. Social skills — managing
relationships, inspiring others and inducing desired responses from them.
Based on the theory the characteristics of high IQ and EQ persons can be distinguished.
If you think emotional intelligence
is only important for those who always have to interact or communicate with
people, we need to think about it again. Emotional intelligence is a doorway to
a balanced-life.
Physical Health – We live in an extremely bust and stressful life. The
ability to take care of our bodies and especially to manage our stress, which
has an incredible impact on our overall and total wellness, is heavily connected
to our emotional intelligence. Only by being aware of our emotional state and
our reactions to stress in our lives can we hope to manage stress and maintain good health.
Mental Well-Being – Emotional intelligence affects our attitude, our
behaviour and outlook on life. It can also help to alleviate anxiety and avoid
depression and control mood swings. A high level of emotional intelligence
directly correlates to a positive attitude and happier outlook on life.
Conflict Resolution – We live in a world where we have started reacting more
than understanding. We just want to believe in what we feel is the right and
ending up with mere conclusions rather than understanding it thoroughly for
more betterment. If we try to present our perception, people just think from
their point of view and mistake you for no reason. When we can discern people’s
emotions and empathize with their perspective, it’s much easier to resolve
conflicts or possibly avoid them before they start. It neither mean we are
proving ourselves wrong even thought if we are right, nor it mean we are
accepting the other person. We are just trying to calm down the situation and
the conflict that might pop up. By using emotional intelligence, we are now
better at negotiation due to the very nature of our ability to understand the
needs and desires of others. It’s easier to give people what they want if we
can perceive what it is.
Relationships – Relationships are nothing but adjustments. We cannot
live together, if we just want ourselves as a priority. By better understanding
and managing our emotions, we are better able to communicate our feelings in a
more constructive and connective way. We are also better able to understand and
relate to others. We can easily connect to people by understanding the needs,
feelings, and responses of those we care about and this will lead to stronger
and more fulfilling relationships. Minor adjustments in daily life can lead life
to wonderful existence.
Success –
Success is not a place or a destination. It is being able to go to bed each
night with your soul in peace. Life is too short. We need to work by giving
priority not to money or luxury rather our existence together on this planet.
That is the real success. Higher emotional intelligence helps us to be stronger
internal motivators, which can reduce procrastination, increase
self-confidence, and improve our ability to focus on a goal. It also allows us
to create better
networks of support, overcome setbacks,
and persevere with a more resilient outlook. Our ability to delay gratification
and see the long-term directly affects our ability to succeed.
Leadership – Leadership is not a position, it is working together in
a group without expecting position. Leadership is about creating leaders. The
ability to understand what motivates others, relate in a positive manner, and
to build stronger bonds with others in the workplace inevitably makes those
with higher emotional intelligence better leaders. An effective leader can
recognize what the needs of his people are, so that those needs can be met in a
way that encourages higher performance and workplace satisfaction. An emotionally savvy and intelligent leader is also able
to build stronger teams by strategically utilizing the emotional diversity of
their team members to benefit the team as a whole. Leadership is victory of thousand
of donkeys lead by a lion by defeating thousand of lion lead by a donkey.
Emotional intelligence is still not completely understood, but
what we do know is that emotions play a very critical role in the overall
quality of our personal and professional lives, more critical even than our
actual measure of brain intelligence or the IQ. While tools and technology can
help us to learn and master information, nothing can replace our ability to
learn, manage, and master our emotions and the emotions of those around us. For
bringing the right change in the society, the change must begin from you!!
Life can prosper when we take up the
good and learn continuously for betterment. We live in a fast changing life,
where we need to adjust with the society. We need to spread ourselves like the
roots of a tree, ready to observe water and minerals; ready to grow and
prosper. It is very easy to react and cause a conflict, but the fact is in
understanding and resolving the situation thereby balancing the energy. The Universal
law of energy conservation talks about the fact that energy cannot be created
nor can be destroyed rather can be changed into different forms. We can change
the reaction by converting it into a better response. It means that we should
not hold the energy in us for long rather talk and resolve it for better peace.
Everyone around has their own limits and self respect, people tend to be happier
when their emotional needs are also met.
"Emotional intelligence is not something inborn; there
are ways to take control of your emotions."
It’s never too late to learn anything, so no matter how old you
are, you can still take up EQ and make the rest of your life better and
happier.
Observe and understand your feelings.
We easily lose touch with our emotions when we’re too busy
worrying about what to do next and what can be done better. Instead of really
taking good care of our emotions, we choose to ignore them most of the time.
What we don’t realize is that suppressing our emotions only makes things worse.
The more we try to put our emotions behind, the more uncontrollable our
emotions become.
When we have an emotional reaction to something, it can be due
to the fact that we’re having some unsolved issues. So next time when you feel
like having some negative emotions, calm down and think about why you’re
experiencing this. Take a deep breath and write down the emotions you’re
experiencing and the possible reasons.
When you have things written down, you can identify your
emotions triggers and think of ways to deal with each of them. Finally as a
individual, our happiness is a must.
Practice responding, not reacting.
Reacting is an unconscious process where we behave in an
unconscious way that expresses or relieves an emotion. Responding is a
conscious process that involves paying attention to your feelings
and deciding how to behave.
When you’re more aware of your emotional triggers, you can
always think about the way to behave in advance.
For example, if you know that you get angry easily and throw
temper to colleagues when you’re feeling very stressful at work, take note of
that and think about what you can do next time when you’re experiencing the
same trigger. Maybe you can try to tell your colleagues that you need some
silent moments because you’re feeling stressful at the moment, or maybe you can
get a few minutes of alone time just to calm down yourself first.
At times people understand you from
their perception and may think wrong about you. We just need to avoid what
people think about you with a smile rather than a reaction. You are a better
judge. Train your mind to be calm always and let go the people who think wrong
about you. What people think about you is not your problem, today they might
say wrong about you but someday they will know the reality. Work upon you for
your continuous growth. God falls in love with a stubborn heart who fights continuously
with a dedicated heart.
Stay humble all the times.
We were born on this earth. Those who stay connected with mother earth will reach to the best point in life. When you always believe that you’re better than others, you’ll not see your own faults, and you’ll likely to get emotional about things that don’t meet your expectation. Learning is about emptying what you know. We need to be life a sponge, ready to percolate in good things. Until or unless you empty your mind, you won’t be able to be a good learner. Learn from everyone, everything can teach you something. Finally execute the best of learning in your life to achieve your goals.
Try to look at the same thing from a
different perspective. Stop judging people, the more you judge them, the more
you will increase the gaps. Instead of judging someone or something, put
yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to think or feel like them: would you
do or feel the same too and why? In this way, you’re likely to understand other
people’s thoughts and emotions more; and you’ll probably learn something new
about how to deal with stuff in similar situations too. This will prove you to
be a better human and a better leader. Anyone can be a leader; it’s not about a
position. It is about leading life, it might not give you money or luxury
rather it will make you an ethical person in this world. People will get attracted
towards you and will like your presence.
Be humble enough to know you’re not better than anyone, and
wise enough to know that you’re different from the rest! Being unique and
special and different from others is the need of the hour. Emotional intelligence can be learned, it’s a lifetime process.
It’s never too late to learn anything;
it just takes continuous observation and practice. So no matter how old you
are, you can still take up EQ and make the rest of your life better and
happier.
Children are the real asset and they
are continuously observing us. We need to change the society and the change
will happen if we change from in. “Be the change you want to see in others” is
the need of the hour. We need to engineer ourselves, if we need the world to
change. Be authentic and natural. Take ownership and always keep a back up of
what you learnt, during difficult situations. Appreciate even the small things
around you. Be your own guide and be a motivator. Children need more of life
lessons than the stories from a story book.
